” I need to talk to you about something, T. Can you come out and talk.”
I got this call in the middle of the night. After meeting him, he said nothing. Nothing.
Weeks later, I got the call again. This time I got the whole story.
We used to have an organist in our small little family church. He was older than us at the time, we were just teens. He liked to spend time with us. He was single and he often invited us to his flat.
He liked to hug a lot. Now, us Chinese don’t really hug that much, if at all. Shaking hands is traumatic enough. But this guy liked hugging us boys, whenever we visited him. At first I thought he was just more westernised, but now I know better. And isn’t it strange that he always invited us one by one. I only realise that now.
The late night caller finally divulged to me that he was sexually molested by this organist. Oh, and that was only a year or so after the organist had committed suicide. He had brain tumour as well.
This surely counts as one skeleton in the church’s cupboard.
He probably wouldn’t have tried so hard to be a closet homosexual if he were not a Christian. Then he would have been able to live his life freely. As a result of his religion, he had to suppress his instincts and ended up preying on males younger than him, and who look up to him. He must have almost gone crazy suppressing his natural instincts.
I was never molested by him as I became rather disgusted with his never-ending attempts at intimacy, and stopped associating with him, though I felt rather guilty for doing so at that time. I thought that I was being cold-blooded and heartless. Sometimes it’s ok to loathe some people. And to think I cried at his funeral.
July 4, 2009 at 2:28 am
This kind of thing happens in many places, not just churches. The fact is we humans are, all of us, pretty damaged creatures.
July 4, 2009 at 9:41 am
True. However, my theory about this particular man is that he would have been better off coming to terms with his sexuality rather than trying to suppress it just because it’s not biblical, and not acceptable to Christians.
In that way, he would be able to lead a carefree life outside the church, and have a proper sex partner, instead of having to inadvertently prey on younger males instead.
And it’s not that we are damaged, we’re just evolved to be a certain way. For example, if we had been sexually inert creatures, our species would not have survived.
July 4, 2009 at 9:08 pm
We are damaged in the sense we allow our drives and instincts to override our compassion for one another. We seek our own gratification before the good of others.
July 5, 2009 at 9:24 am
It is normal to seek our own gratification before that of others. I don’t often see people seeking to gratify others and just let themselves wither into nothingness. It wouldn’t work. You have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
I believe a well-taken care of person will be more able to be compassionate than someone who’s not well-taken care of. In the instance of the organist, he wasn’t taking care of his own needs properly, and as a result he ended up inflicting harm upon others.
July 5, 2009 at 10:37 am
I honestly disagree that sex is a need I am afraid.
As for taking care of yourself before you can take care of others – I think this attitude just leads to individualism. If we all took care of each other and didn’t think of ourselves we’d all still get taken care of, and we’d not have that “every man as an island” sense of entitlement and arrogance.
July 5, 2009 at 11:56 am
Perhaps you’re right, sex is not a need, but it is a natural urge for humans.
“If we all took care of each other and didn’t think of ourselves…” sounds very noble but not very practical. And it may work within small communities where everyone has agree to abide by this principle but this is just not so for the world at large. Furthermore, no one knows the needs of the self like the self. So it is the ultimate responsibility of the self to take care of the self. To neglect the self for the community sounds noble, but it is also the way of cults. And it brings harm to the self as the self is ultimately neglected for an illusory principle.
Note that I’m not saying that we care less for others, but that we also take care of ourselves, even as we ourselves are also part of the community and deserve to be taken care of.
July 6, 2009 at 1:10 am
Well this is where my belief in God comes in.
Because I believe in God, I believe I can allow Him to deal with my needs (and not my wants mind! but what I need, not to live either, but attain my salvation) leaving me free to focus on others (and on God), which is not to say I am very good at letting go of control like that.
July 6, 2009 at 2:35 am
Because I believe in God, I believe I can allow Him to deal with my needs (and not my wants mind! but what I need, not to live either,
The trouble is that he doesn’t, because he doesn’t exist.
People who successfully control their sexual urges are just good at exercising self-control, just like non-religious super models can control their eating habits.
If you’d let yourself for once see that there is no God involved, you would notice that WE ARE ALL, Christian or not, just people with varying degrees of urges and self-control.
God has nothing to do with it.
Trusting God to control our urges is highly ineffective, and it only leads to guilt, like in the case of the child molester Temaskian refers to, who ended up committing suicide.